Cheese Chowder For Four
by Cel Stacker
Summary: Seems like romance sells around here, so I'll jump on the bandwagon. Roddy and Rita have an adventure just showing newlyweds Jiffie and Roddy's cousin Patterson a good time. R&R for more chaps!
1. Surprises

Cheese Chowder for Four

I thought up "Patterson" and "Jiffie", but all other "Flushed Away" characters and settings Copyright and Trademark: Dreamworks Animation LLC; Aardman Animations

1 --

Probably the most prestigious hotel in "Lower" London was the towering stay with the somewhat confusing name, "The Underbelly Arms". The shutters to the presidential suite were enthusiastically opened by a mouse named Patterson, dark-haired and clean-cut in usual cardigan sweater, jeans, and dock-siders. Pat, as friends would call him, was normally rather reserved, but he had been looking forward to this trip for two reasons. One, it was his honeymoon, and it was no small effort to convince his new wife, Jiffie, to spend it here, worlds away from their native Nova Scotia, and in a sewer of all places. But the other reason was helpful in selling her on the idea: a solid degree of investigation had helped Pat find out that here and now lived his prim and pampered cousin, Roderick St. James.

As Pat surveyed the city, he could hardly believe it. _What on earth would bring you down here, Rod?_ he thought to himself. This was a story he had to hear from the mouse's mouth.

"Honey, you will help me unpack, won't you?"

Pat turned at the sweet voice of his newlywed. Jiffie, a veritable poster girl, and Pat's childhood sweetheart, was picking her way through one of her whopping eight bags. Even though she was a full head shorter than he, he often stopped to survey her whenever he noticed her, which was well over half the time. With slightly off auburn hair, soft freckles adorning the bridge of her nose (that she hated but he loved), a white blouse and lavender skirt offset by a rather stylish brown and pink sweater vest, and sneakers to match, she rather fit her name, in Pat's own thinking. Her mom and dad had named her for the popular brand of peanut butter, her favorite food, but whenever he looked at her, and especially whenever he kissed her, he thought of a fancy, high-dollar pastry. You know the kind; one that looks too good to eat.

Jiffie turned her lavender eyes to meet Pat's green ones. "I appreciate the attention, sweetie, but my bags?"

Pat grinned. "Sorry, love. You know the effect you've got on me." He walked over and immediately selected a parcel hanger holding five pairs of her panties. Pat blushed as he dropped them. Jiffie couldn't help but giggle.

"You shouldn't be so modest, Pattie! It IS our honeymoon, after all..."

Pat walked over and slipped his arms round Jiffie's waist. "Good point." He kissed her soft, then long, feeling her relax in his embrace. "Eh, I hate to be a wet blanket darling, especially now..." she said with a funny smile on her face, half in a trance.

Pat set his wife down on the bed and sat between her and the suitcase. "I know, we really should get unpacked. But there's no reason we can't have fun while we work, right?" He began selecting items from the suitcase and handing them to Jiffie, who proceeded to place them in the nearby bureau. "If we start having too much fun too soon, we might not find your cousin. And I'd like to see the sights, such as they are..." Jiffie wrinkled her nose as she strolled over and shut the window Pat had just opened.

Pat looked at her pensively as he neatly folded a sweater and placed it on the bed. "Sorry, sugarplum. I really am. I know you think this is just a fool's errand, and a horrible place to spend your honeymoon, but trust me, I'm going to make it all up to you."

Jiffie came back over to her husband, crawling over the bed to hug him from behind. "Now, now. We settled all that. As long as I'm with you, it'll be wonderful! And besides," she paused briefly to peck him on the cheek, picking up the sweater and taking it to the bureau. "I'm probably more curious about your cousin than you are. What's he like? Really?"

Patterson had been somewhat evasive about Roddy's nature to everyone, including Jiffie. The Roddy St. James he knew was rich, well cared-for, a true playboy, and lonely to the point of heart-sick. Pat had been embarrassed for Roddy, and hesitated to discuss him for that reason, but finding out that he was now living here, he found himself at a loss to describe his dapper cousin.

"Well, as I remember, he's just as I've said, a gentle-mouse's gentle-mouse," Pat continued as he handed his wife the rest of her articles, one at a time. "But this environment, I don't know, just makes me think he's changed a bit. I mean, I hadn't gotten a letter from him in months! I don't mind telling you, I'm a little scared."

Jiffie eyed Patterson. It touched her that he was so open with her. She swore to herself that she'd never betray that. "I guess the unknown scares us all," she said, coming up to him and gently slipping an arm around his shoulders. "But I think you're in for some big surprises on this trip, Pattie!"

Patterson grimaced. "That's what scares me. And trust me, Roddy's brand of surprises are pretty scary..."

Jiffie held her smile as she playfully flicked the end of her husband's nose. "Well, we won't find out if we don't get unpacked, will we?" She took a shirt from him and turned toward the bureau. Patterson took a pair of pants from the bag, watching Jiffie's tail swing from side to side and smiling about his good fortune.

"Ah, blast! We've missed them!" A despondent Roddy smacked his fist into his palm as he walked slowly from the south pier ticket office up to the Jammy Dodger II. Rita was still amazed at how Roddy could bring class to a plain outfit such as the blue windbreaker and jeans he now wore. "I'd hoped we could at least have brought them to the hotel."

"You worry too much, Roddy," replied Rita, matter-of-factly. "He knows you're around, he'll probably come find you!"

"Oh, yes, that would be a treat," Roddy muttered, watching two of Rita's siblings, Madeline and Dylan, kick and juggle a football to each other across the Jammy Dodger's deck. The flushing from Kensington was major culture shock for everyone, but Roddy was certain that the shock was greatest for him. He couldn't dream of what Patterson must already be thinking. He almost chuckled at a mental picture of himself looking much like the strange fish-and-chips captain who led him to the first Jammy Dodger so many months ago. He shook his head briefly and returned to the present.

"I'd just hoped to, you know, explain things to him gently..."

"You mean, soften the blow?"

"Please, Rita, you know that neither you nor your family and friends qualify as a blow."

"Sure we do! Roddy, I have thirty brothers and sisters! THIRTY! And probably counting, if I know Mum and Dad. C'mon, that's five Brady Bunches!"

"Oh, so what? I must have had that many back at Kensington."

"Oh, ha-ha," shot Rita. "I'm referring to the variety of relatives that's _not _cast plastic, Roddy St. James of Kensington." Roddy grinned the sheepish grin that had so grown on Rita as she continued. "I've got no hang-ups about being unusual. It's who I am. Trust me, puttin' on airs only gets you trouble."

"I've learned my lesson about that kind of action, believe me," Roddy remembered the horrible flushed feeling he had in trying to save face by pretending Sid was his brother, only to find that he and Rita were acquainted. "I just want him to have a smashing time. You don't get many honeymoons in a lifetime, well, not normally, anyway!"

Rita raised her hands in mock surrender. "You'll get no complaints from me! You know I love a good party. Besides, I'm so excited!" She impulsively hugged her first mate tightly. "I'm finally going to meet some of your family."

Roddy squeezed her gently as he replied. "Yep, it should be quite a party, all right..."

Editor's note: It might help you fellow authors to know that a lot of the Malone kids' names are written on Pop Malone's body cast. [That's where I got Madeline and Dylan :-)


	2. Lunch

Thanks for such swift and positive reviews! I wanted to make this chapter a bit longer, but the uploader wouldn't allow it--so I can't give you the teaser I wanted, but expect an old adversary or two to show soon...

2 --

About an hour later, Pat and Jiffie had just debarked from the river bus at the downtown stop. They learned that Roddy now helped in a delivery service with one Rita Malone, the owner of a rather legendary speed boat called "The Jammy Dodger II". For the moment, the boat also served as their office, which made simply going to its location rather tough. They recommended that the couple could hang around this area; that the Dodger visited at least twice a day. Everyone with whom they spoke of Roddy hinted that he enjoyed a strange kind of celebrity, having thwarted the local crime boss' plan to flush the city away. The bits and pieces of news made Pat's head swim, and only increased his apprehension. As they proceeded along the boardwalk, which was rather peaceful for a weekday, they began to pass the street vendors, most of whom had many appealing wares. It reminded Pat that they hadn't eaten since the plane, aboard which they had flown second cargo hold, like most mice.

"Perhaps we should stop for lunch or something," Pat suggested, glaring into the window of the Toasty Buns Bakery and savoring the wonderful smell of freshly-baked rolls.

Jiffie turned to regard her husband, with a giggle. "I thought you were concerned with catching up to your cousin!"

"Well, since we're stuck hanging around here, we should pass the time in some...worthwhile pursuit. Yes?"

Jiffie smoothed her skirt. "I guess so. But you know, Pat, I have to hand it to you. This place is amazing! All the boutiques and vendors, I can hardly wait to do some shopping!" She admitted to Lower London's virtues while turning slowly. "I'm afraid to admit I'm even getting used to that...slight smell."

"It isn't so noticeable when you're hungry, I suppose," said Pat, still admiring the bakery's baguettes.

Jiffie finally laughed and wrapped her arms around her beau's empty stomach. "Okay, Romeo, I get the point. Let's find some lunch. But perhaps we could find a patio on which to eat, so we could see their boat?"

Pat draped an arm around Jiffie's shoulders. "You're so good at thinking. I knew I was right to marry you."

"What a coincidence! I knew that too," quipped Jiffie.

"Ooooh, how exciting! Your cousin!" Mrs. Malone clapped her hands in merriment upon hearing Roddy and Rita's news.

"Indeed," continued Roddy. "I imagine they're in town somewhere by now, so, we're sure to pick them up presently."

"I'm sure glad we got the deliveries done early," Rita remarked, carrying a small crate under one arm. "These wild goose chases of yours can burn a lot of fuel."

"Oh, Rita, it won't be that difficult. We'll start with downtown and kind of radiate out from there! They're sightseeing or something, I'm sure."

"Roddy's right, love. I certainly hope we can have a chance to meet them! If they're anything like you, Roddy, they must be a pleasure!"

"Careful, Mum," Rita joked, flicking Roddy's ear playfully. "I can see his head growin'."

"I'm certain there'll be plenty of time for it, ma'am," Roddy remarked, massaging the ear briefly. "They'll be around for, perhaps a week or so."

"So, they're newlyweds, huh?" asked Shamus, coming up to them. Although he was a year younger than Liam, he was nearing the same height, thanks to a truly inspirational growth spurt.

"That's right! Happily married," answered Roddy.

"When will you two get around to that?"

Rita immediately took an old sock out of the crate and shoved it down over Shamus' head, pulling it almost to the waist and shoving him outside. "All right, then, you little cheek, I know you've got stuff to do."

Roddy felt his face getting hot. He excused himself before it could show, although judging from the grin Rita's mother gave him, he was too late for that.

Roddy found himself in reflection as he strolled toward the Jammy Dodger II, taking a couple of glances at Rita giving her brother a good rumple. Anytime anyone mentioned possible romantic connection between himself and Rita, he felt more than a little uncomfortable. Companionship was yet another thing that was new to Roddy, and the very last thing he wanted to do was to ever hurt Rita Malone, even by accident. He thought it was reasonable enough for them to take it slow. They were very good friends, having saved each others lives and all. No need to rush, right?

"Well, we should get a move on, then," Rita appeared so suddenly that Roddy nearly jumped out of his clothes. Rita noticed Roddy's startled stance. "Where have you gone, all of a sudden?"

"Oh, nowhere important. You're right, we're wasting time. All set to cast off, Cap'n!"


	3. Kismet

3--

Not ten minutes later, The Jammy Dodger II floated up toward the downtown area, which had suddenly become busy again. It was as if the merchants and shippers suddenly became aware that it was a Friday afternoon. The particular stretch of river reminded Roddy of the first time they sailed this same way, the time he had fought with Rita over the Toad's glass ruby. Back during that time, he never thought that he would ever get along with Rita Malone, much less become her friend or partner. Life could be strange and confusing sometimes.

Roddy surveyed the shops with a new spyglass Rita had recently installed, a very handy addition. As he used it, however, he began to think Rita wasn't far off with the "wild goose chase" description. He saw many of the same shops and restaurants, with a few new things that were notable, including a karaoke bar called "The Electric Tail", which had a group of slugs just outside performing "Buffalo Stance"; they actually sounded pretty good. Drawing attention, as it always had, was "Geezer's Palace", with its large screen TVs, which were now showing an episode of "Fawlty Towers".

Roddy had yet to catch a glimpse of Patterson, whom he admittedly hadn't seen in ages--it was even before the pet shop, well before Kensington. He figured his cousin would still stand out, particularly down here, where cool, reserved mice were in quite short supply. Although he had only seen Jiffie once, he had known somehow that Pat would end up with her; they had always been together since meeting in the third grade. Roddy could only wonder what it was like to love someone for so long.

"Any sign of 'em?" Rita's voice once again snapped Roddy out of memory lane.

"Not so far. I'd have thought they'd be around the piers; it's a shame the phone is in the shop, or we could call them."

"Well, if they're shopping or something, we should dock somewhere. We'll have a better chance on foot. Besides, I rather fancy some window shopping myself." Rita spun the wheel, routing the Dodger toward the row of piers just aside from the north ferry stop. It was as good a place as any to start looking.

Refreshed by the lunch, Jiffie could no longer resist the allure of the shops, particularly "Squeakers", where Patterson thought they must have spent an hour, although it was actually half that. It made him happy to see she was having a good time, though, and it didn't put a massive dent in their finances at all, a development that made him believe in miracles that much more. He almost believed they would run into Roddy by sheer kismet.

"Cash, check, or charge, sir?" the cashier near the entry asked.

"Check, definitely," replied Patterson, signing off on a traveler's check, grateful not to have to balance the three bags of merchandise Jiffie had selected for a while. She had gone on outside to keep an eye on the street, in case Roddy or his partner Rita Malone were to pass by. Jiffie was particularly fascinated by the townsfolk's description of Rita; a tallish, red-headed rat in Union Jack pants should stand out quite well.

Patterson concluded business and headed outside with the three bags precariously balanced in his arms, only to stop in his tracks. Jiffie was being approached by a sinister looking rat, in dark film shades and a black pompadour, chewing half a toothpick. Pat set down the bags and approached slowly, hearing the conversation between the two of them, and seeing more red with every step.

"Look, I told you, I'm with someone," Jiffie told the strange rat flatly.

"He ain't much of a someone, is he now? Leavin' a cute little filly like yourself by her lonesome," replied Ladykiller, the self-appointed God's gift to female rodents. He moved closer.

"Stay back. I'm warning you..."

"Oooh, I likes 'em feisty. What'cha gonna do, swat me with your eyelashes?"

Patterson was about to make his move when Ladykiller finally placed a hand on Jiffie's shoulder. Before anyone could do anything, however, Jiffie grabbed Ladykiller's hand and swung her arm three-hundred and sixty degrees. Ladykiller was instantly on his back, stunned and surprised.

"Oy! Cheeky li'l floozy! What'cha do that for?"

"I warned you to back off! You should be glad my husband's not here, or he'd have given you worse!"

"Well, whoopsie-doodle! And who's yer bloody husband??"

"That would be me."

Ladykiller winced with pain as he felt his left hand suddenly pinned to the pavement by a docksider. He followed the shoe up to Patterson's face, who was cracking his knuckles ominously.

"Oh, hey, listen mate, slight misunderstanding, eh? I didn't mean no harm or anythin', I swear."

"Well, I can be reasonable. Just beat it, and we'll forget it."

"Patterson? Is it you?"

Pat turned. There stood his cousin, Roddy St. James, jaws gaping and blinking in disbelief. Behind him, with a surprised look of her own, stood a red-haired female rat in a chartreuse top, a blue jacket, Union Jack pants and sewer boots.

"Roddy!" Pat exclaimed. The cousins hugged. "Wow! You look good! Really!"

"Oh, you're being generous. But look at you! Haven't changed a bit, well, perhaps taller..."

"Darling..." Jiffie began to interrupt.

"Oh, right! Where are my manners? Rod, you remember Jiffie, I hope?"

"Of course, Jiffie," Roddy shook hands with the petite mouse. "So good to see you again."

"Yes, it's been awhile. I'm happy to see you again, Roddy! Um, Pat..."

"And I'd like you both to meet Rita Malone, my partner and part-time lifesaver. Rita, my cousin Patterson, and his lovely new wife Jiffie."

"It's such a pleasure to meet you both, um, but should you still be standing on his wrist like that?"

Patterson looked down to see a now red-faced Ladykiller, still pinned under his heel.

"I was trying to tell you, sweetie," offered Jiffie, innocently.

"Ah, sorry about that." Patterson lifted his foot, and Ladykiller scrambled to get to his feet, then skulked away, muttering something about Yankees.

Rita gave Roddy a knowing look. "The family resemblance is unmistakable."


	4. Doubles

4--

Another hour and seven shopping bags later, the Jammy Dodger was headed toward the south of Downtown, the way it had come to the area. While the boys caught up below decks, Jiffie watched Rita's expert handling of the Dodger's controls with a solid measure of awe.

"You must be very proud, Rita. This boat is amazing!"

"It's pretty special alright, but sometimes I do miss my first. Me dad and I finished the original Jammy when I was just shy of sixteen. She was pretty special...but this one is special in a different way."

"How's that?"

"Roddy helped me build this one. Well, some of my brothers and sisters too, here and there, but it was mostly Roddy and me. It was quite a bit of work and hagglin', but it was all worthwhile in the end."

Jiffie watched Rita stroke the overhang to the dash lovingly as she spoke. She chose to speak a realization.

"It seems that you and Roddy are very close."

She turned to regard Jiffie. "We are. You know, when I first met him, I was pretty certain he was a great klutzy idiot pudding. To tell you the truth, I wasn't too far off..."

Jiffie giggled as Rita went on.

"But as circumstances forced me to spend more time with him, I began to realize that there was a lot more to him. I mean, he was all alone up there in that big old Kensington place, being forced to live in a cage; I just felt so sad for him from then on."

"We got letters from him pretty often back in Nova Scotia," Jiffie remembered. "He'd always tell us about all the friends he'd made there."

"He didn't mention what they were made of?" Rita chuckled.

"Heh, nope," admitted Jiffie. "We'd always assumed they were other mice, naturally. I'd never have pictured Barbie and Ken...but Pat always did warn us that Roddy was full of surprises!"

"Well, that's for sure." Rita half-turned to adjust the cruising speed. "I sure hope your St. James isn't as much of a handful as mine..."

"Oh, I'd say, maybe just about as much. But then, that's how I fell in love with him."

Rita raised an eyebrow as Jiffie continued.

"We had always been together ever since the third grade, but mostly just as friends. Then there was the time we had had our first year of high school, and we were set to attend the community debutante's ball together. Everything was so perfect, I had a rather nice green dress my mother had stitched for me, and Pat was so handsome in his tux. The spotlight had just come on to us and the announcer had just asked us to dance when he had tripped over a table leg while bringing me punch and managed to drench me in front of everyone."

Rita winced visibly. "Oh my, Jiffie, that must have been awful."

"Oh it was! I wanted to just vanish, but Pat being who he is...well, it was so beautiful! The spotlight actually followed him as he walked back over to the punch table, picked up two cups, and dumped them on himself! He came back over to me and said, 'We might as well do this in style!' The crowd roared, and it was quite a moment; the two of us dancing covered in punch, and Pat even had two raspberry wedges in his hair looking like an extra set of ears!"

Rita and Jiffie both laughed. Then Jiffie leaned back against the wall of the cabin and sighed.

"Take it from me, Rita, time spent with a St. James only gets more exciting as you go along!"

Meanwhile, Pat admired the below-deck area of the Dodger II, still trying to digest Roddy's nutshell version of how he had come to be a citizen of Lower London. He stopped his survey of the place at the line of elegant women's wear adorning a half-covered corner closet.

"I was rather under the impression that Rita wasn't your typical old-fashioned girl."

Roddy had just fetched two cranberry juice cocktails from the bar on the opposite wall and brought them over. "Oh, she isn't. Those are closer to disguises than a style type of wardrobe," he explained, handing one of the cocktails to Pat. "I rather wonder sometimes if Rita isn't on Her Majesty's Secret Service, and just can't tell me."

"She does seem rather formidable. You wouldn't think it to look at her, but Jiffie's rather the same way."

"Oh, so I've noticed! She sure gave Ladykiller the business!" The cousins both laughed.

"Yes, if there's one thing Jif can teach you, it's how to respect women."

"I always knew the two of you would end up together. It was only a matter of time!"

"Ah, well, I rather figured myself that the one thing that would possess you to flush yourself down a toilet a second time would be the love of a good woman. She's really amazing, Rod. It seems like you've really moved up by coming down!"

Roddy felt his face flush once again. "Well, I wouldn't call us an item or anything, Pat..."

"Well, it's only a matter of time, isn't it?" Pat grinned.

Roddy suddenly felt a strange calm at Pat's observation, then grinned back.

"Hey you two," came Rita's voice from beyond the cabin door. "We should make a determination!" The cousins looked at each other briefly, then drained their cocktails and headed upstairs.

"I don't think we'll make Mum and Dad's before dinner, so anyone got any ideas?"

The four of them perused the colorful banks, where there were no shortage of restaurants and bistros. Roddy snapped his fingers.

"This would be a perfect excuse to hit The Tail Curler, wouldn't it?"

"What's 'The Tail Curler'?" Pat asked apprehensively, placing a protective arm around Jiffie.

"Oh, it's a favorite place of ours," Rita explained. "Not far up the way. Rather quaint and small."

"And they make a fine cheese chowder!" Roddy put in so enthusiastically that Jiffie couldn't hold back a chortle. "It does sound wonderful!" she said.

"Quaint and small. Sounds like a place for doubles or something," Pat mused good-naturedly, then curled his own tongue, realizing too late what he had said. As Jiffie gave him the eye, Roddy and Rita found themselves glaring at each other. Much in the way of emotion seemed to pass between the friends who were becoming something more, as they smiled warmly at each other. They turned toward the newlyweds in unison.

"Well, we are kind of doubling, aren't we?" offered Rita.

Pat blinked at the pair, then looked at Jiffie, who was also giving him a warm smile. He then just shrugged and shared in the moment.

"Cheese chowder for four it is!"

THE END

(Special Thanks to: rita malone, RitaandRoddy, Firefall Bangenthump, temporarydistortionofreality, and all others who took the time and trouble to R&R!)


End file.
